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It might surprise some of the people who watch my videos and read my blog posts, but I am an introvert. This means that I don’t talk much in public, and I feel like I am terrible at starting a conversation with someone I don’t know very well. With my social anxiety, I have trouble talking to new people. For example, I had a very hard time in the auto parts store buying my crow’s feet because my mom made me talk to the man at the cash register and check out by myself. This everyday interaction sent me spiraling.

I also feel really awkward in front of a camera, which makes it harder to film the process of rebuilding my car. I love what I am doing, and since my dad is behind the camera, he makes me feel more comfortable, but I still have to stretch myself to sit and talk straight to the lens.

One of the weird things is that, as a result of my anxiety, I have never seen even one of my videos. I hear what each one is about, and listen to my dad edit them, but I have never sat down and watched one. It is kind of funny when someone compliments me on a particular part of a video and I have no idea what he or she is talking about. I just trust that my dad is really good at what he does – he is a professional video editor – and my mom will check to make sure that there’s nothing that would embarrass me. But I can’t stomach watching myself on video. I don’t know if I will ever be able to.

This project is unique in many ways because, not only am I working towards finishing my car, but this project is also helping me put myself out there more. I am growing as a person in many different ways, including tackling my social anxiety head on, and I have to thank my family and all the people that have supported me for that.